60+ hour work weeks. Coupled with 20 – 30 hours of other “stuff”. Six or less hours sleep each night. Always something to do. Something to see. Somewhere to be. Always thinking. Missed family time. No laugh time. Permanent wrinkles in my forehead. Striving always to be…Better. Slowing down only long enough to self indulge in the best and tastiest food that the fruits of my labor could afford. In the binary realm of 0s and 1s, it seemed that I was always a 1—always on. Living way too serious!
That was me before the heart pump. So it came as no surprise when the cardiologist told me I had a few clogged arteries. Nor did it come as a surprise when a little MI moved my surgery date up by a week! It came as no surprise when I awoke from the fog of open heart surgery with an external pacemaker lying on my chest and the news that in addition to the new arteries that I had a couple of new valves, too. No surprise that there has been a couple of trips back for other hardware upgrades. No surprise that 18 months later I was back on the pump again. No surprise that when I slip, I wonder how long will it be before…
So I give thanks for the pump. Thankful that I can see clearly. Thankful that I have found solace in just being still. An inner peace that passes all understanding—which basically means that it is not logical. Defies logic—the black and white, 0 and 1 world that has been my life. But the beauty of it all is, that what may be illogical to you or the former me makes perfect sense. I know of the perfect peace and so therefore I am thankful. Thankful for the pump!
You see, I have traded in the merry-go-round for a carousel. And I like it! Try it; you will like it, too!
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7
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